Things are changing dramatically in our house. I don't want to go into details. We are keeping it pretty private. Yesterday was a really rough day. You know those days when you just want to crawl into bed and hope that everyone forgets you are there. It was the lowest I have felt in a long long long time. We have almost been married 10 years and to say we have had our fair share of trials would be absolutely true. You all know our #1 trial... infertility, and amazingly our trials right now don't have to do with that. Well it is always there. There is always the longing for another baby, but we have more important things to take care of at the moment.
So after I had my breakdown and scrapped myself off the floor we picked up our scriptures and turned to 1 Nephi 4 where Nephi and his brothers are going to Jerusalem again to try and get the plate of brass. I have read this chapter many many times and it has never hit me as hard as it did last night. When we are in a situation where we have no idea what comes next or what is planned for the future. This is the chapter to read. Nephi didn't know how they were going to get the plates, but he trusted in the Lord and knew he would lead them to the way. The verse that stood out the most and that has comforted me today is verse 6. "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do" I have always struggled with Faith and Trusting the Lord. It always seems so much easier to do things by myself. With our infertility I have learned that the only way we will have our family is to trust in the Lord. That doesn't mean I am pro... obviously because I still struggle daily with it, but I am getting better.
Everything is chaotic in our house. I woke up this morning with a calm and peaceful feeling. I haven't stressed about what is to come. I KNOW that we will be blessed and whatever is going to happen will happen. This is a new feeling for me. Trust me... it kind of scares me, but I am trying my hardest. As things change and we learn what our future will hold I will update everyone. For now I am going to bed.
4 years ago
6 comments:
This is definitely something I struggle with myself... why are the most important things to do sometimes the hardest things to do too? I really like to know what to do and what will happen and when I don't know these things I struggle. Good luck with everything you are facing right now. I know you are strong and will figure it all out!!!
I hope everything turns out good. I can say if you trust in the lord he will help you threw anything. Good luck and let me know if I can help with anything.
I've been thinking about you alot lately. Hope you are doing okay while things figure themselves out. Having faith is extremely hard to do sometimes, especially when you don't know what is going to happen. I think everyone struggles with this sometimes. One thing I have learned with the many many trials we have had is I am stronger than I ever knew. I could deal with a lot more than i ever thought was possible. If you need to vent, talk, etc. I am willing to listen. Come on over if you want, Meg and JT can get into trouble and we can chat. :)
This thing called life does get pretty hard to bear sometimes. It really helps me appreciate my parents for one. Trust in the Lord and have Faith and you will come out stronger in the end. I have said quite a bit over the last 2 years, one day at a time. What's the saying, when it storms we have to learn to dance in the rain. Stay close to the spirit and you will make it through. Love ya. :)
Vent away! I look forward to it. :)
Thanks for sharing your experience in the scriptures and how they helped you come to some peace. I too know that the Lord is mindful of us, and our circumstances and that we can trust in Him. I'm sorry you have been feeling so low and depressed. We'll keep you in our prayers. You guys are very courageous!
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