Family Pictures

Things are pretty crazy at our house. We have had so many changes in the past month it is crazy. Jon lost his job and his back home full time. He will be starting school in January and is looking for a part-time job. We had a great Thanksgiving with my family. We have just stayed pretty low key for the most part. Trying to figure out our future and get ready for Christmas. Everything is bought I just have to wrap. Not really my favorite thing to do. We are excited though. JT will be fun this year. Last Saturday we had my cousin Stef take our family pictures. It had snowed the night before and was freeing outside, but we decided that it would be fun to take some in the snow. So we headed up to Rockville to my grandpas old rock house and got them done. She did an amazing job. I recommend if you want some pictures done check out her website.

http://www.sugarsnapbystef.blogspot.com/

Here is a slideshow of the pictures. I love all of them. Hopefully I can keep up with this blog after the holidays. The first thing on the list for the New Year... finally finish our adoption stuff. I think it is time. :) Don't you?

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Coming soon...

I know you are all shocked and thought we were dead, but we are still around. I will be posting family pictures as soon as I get them. They turned out amazing!!! :) To be cont...

Crumbling walls...

I am tired and ready to just be done. I have all these walls up to protect myself and they do a pretty good job. Every now and than something will get over the wall, but most of the time I can handle it. Jon and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I can't believe it has been 10 years. It has been a bitter sweet time for me though. I have sat and thought a lot about our 5 year anniversary. We were right in the middle of infertility and I was a mess. I felt like I had no other options and just wanted to give up. Nothing was fair. Everyone else had what i wanted. Why couldn't it be just a little bit easier for me? As I laid in bed the night of our anniversary in Vegas while Jon was sleeping all those same feeling came over me and I cried for a few hours. The past few months have been so stressful and as much as I have relied on the Lord and kept my "walls" up I feel like I have been continually beaten. Tonight the walls are crumbling. I can't do it by myself anymore.

I have a beautiful son who means the world to me. We waited 8 1/2 years for him and every single heartache and tear is worth the time I have had with him already. I have been ready for another baby for awhile and have struggled with everything that needs to be done. Getting the paperwork done... doing the homestudy... painting this marvelous picture of our family so we can go out and "sell" ourselves. I feel like it is time, but I have no motivation to get it all done. Is that the Lord's way of telling me it isn't time or what? I am frustrated. Why can't I just be the one that says it is time for another baby and a few months later we can announce we are expecting. I know that I must have signed up for this plan in heaven and I am sure there is a reason for everything, but this is one of the walls. The wall that smiles at someone when they announce they are expecting. Or acts excited when a baby is born. It can only last so long and I am not going to be the one that is a jerk about it. No one understands and I can only hear so often that in the Lords time will it happen. I already know that. Do you think it is easy?

We have been so blessed with jobs that can support our family. I have the best job in the world. They have been there for me for 3 years. Allowed me to bring JT to work for the first 18 months of his life. Jon has been blessed with some great jobs and I am so thankful that we haven't had to struggle too much. The time has finally come that Jon is going back to school. We have tried multiple times in the past 10 years for him to go to school and it has NEVER worked out. Not that we haven't tried. It just hasn't been time. We now feel it is time and of course it comes right at the time that we bought our house and want another baby. See where my problem is? I am never going to be able to stop working. I was always the person that wasn't going to work when I had kids. It was something we felt strong about. Now JT is going to a babysitter all day while I work and when we get home he isn't the happy boy he is all day. So I feel so impatient (after working an 8 hour day) and feel like I am constantly getting frustrated with him. That isn't fair to him and I feel like a horrible mother. Jon wants to go into law which will take us away from Hurricane. :( I can't even begin to talk about that. Eventually we are going to go to a different school which means I have to leave my home. I don't know if I am just being a very big baby, but why is everything bothering me so much. I am 100% behind Jon in what he wants to do, but why does it all have to happen at once. Why can't it just be easy?

Remember those walls? They are crumbling tonight and I am sitting here with aching empty arms watching my little boy play and missing my husband and just feeling sorry for myself. So just let me wallow in my sadness for awhile and be patient because I am sure in a quick amount of time I will be back and I will have built the walls even higher... "Just in case"

Hard decisions...

Well the time has come to find a babysitter for JT. It is something that I said I would never do, but based on what is going on right now we really don't have a choice. So I need to find the best babysitter in the world. :) Anyone know someone? My brother in law will be headed back to Springville to get prepared for his mission in the next week or so. That means we need to find someone fast! So if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. Hopefully I will sit down and post some pictures soon. We just have way too much going on right now.

More changes... imagine that!

So just when I thought things were slowing down and we were in a groove... things are changing. Imagine that! Travis (Jon's brother that has been living with us) put in his mission papers a few weeks ago. He didn't tell his parents because he wanted to surprise them. So last Thursday Ben, one of his other brothers, snuck out to the mailbox (in his boxers) as soon as the mailman came to see if the call came. It did so we headed up to Springville on Friday afternoon. We went to dinner and than all sat down to play games. Travis pulled out his call and threw it on the game him and his parents were playing and totally surprised them. He opened it and he will be going to ........ McAllen, Texas (Spanish speaking) and will be leaving December 9th!!!!! Holy crap... December 9th... 1 1/2 months away. He is my babysitter and huge part of our family. Jon is working out of town and I am still working full-time... now what! So that is where we are right now. Our brains are definitely working overtime. I told Jon as he was stressing out... remember FAITH!!!!! It will all work out. The next month and a half will be busy, but we are excited for Travis and are thankful that he has been here. I almost feel like I am sending a son out on a mission. Now the time comes to prepare! :)

Changes...

It is crazy how the Lord works and the miracles he performs. We have made some crazy changes in the past few weeks and only the Lord would know how everything would happen. We have been talking about getting rid of the vending business... It wasn't bringing in much money and was just stressful. Plus we weren't about to pay the amount of money the other owner wanted. So 3 weeks ago he called and said he may have a buyer of some of the machines, but Jon would keep doing the other schools. Which wouldn't really get us ahead just keep us going somewhat. A few days later he called back and pretty much said he was going to sell the whole thing. That is the point of my last post. Trusting in the Lord. I didn't feel any stress after that night. I knew that things were happening the way they were supposed to and I was just going to wait and see how it all played out. We thought about applying to Walmart distribution, but before I did I called my little brother and asked if Interstate was hiring. Or Beau's crew. They are in Arizona Mon - Thurs. This was on a Tuesday and he didn't know, but said they would get back to us towards the end of the week. We had enough of a money cushion that we would make it at least until the middle of October, but after that there would nothing. Thursday the girl that worked for Jon said they had come by and picked up her keys. Jon called me and I was instantly sick. I don't know if it was just the thought that it was actually happening or what. I sat at work and couldn't concentrate on anything. For an hour I just stared at my computer screen. Than I got a text that would change our lives. Ramsey said that Jon got the job and he would start on Monday. I can't even tell you the relief we both felt. We have felt the Lord in our lives so much in the past few months and I am very thankful for that. We don't know what the future will bring. After the jobs are done down there he might get laid off or he might move to another location. But when we get to that point we will worry about it.
We have been blessed to have his brother living with us while we help him prepare to get on his mission. He stays home with JT while I am working which is another blessing. I don't know what we will do when he actually leaves, but it will all work out. The adoption process is slow go. We have had a lot of problems with paperwork, but I am not really stressed about it. When it happens it happens right? I am enjoying JT and savor every minute I have with him. He is growing up so fast and is so smart. It amazes me what they can learn in such a little time. He is putting words together and has the best personality. I love being his mom and am so thankful for his birth mother for her sacrifice. I don't think about it often, but really it brings tears to my eyes to think about what she did for us. I can't imagine life without him. He is the best "little" boy. :) Anyway... enough of my novel. I will post pictures later.

A Trial of our Faith...

Things are changing dramatically in our house. I don't want to go into details. We are keeping it pretty private. Yesterday was a really rough day. You know those days when you just want to crawl into bed and hope that everyone forgets you are there. It was the lowest I have felt in a long long long time. We have almost been married 10 years and to say we have had our fair share of trials would be absolutely true. You all know our #1 trial... infertility, and amazingly our trials right now don't have to do with that. Well it is always there. There is always the longing for another baby, but we have more important things to take care of at the moment.
So after I had my breakdown and scrapped myself off the floor we picked up our scriptures and turned to 1 Nephi 4 where Nephi and his brothers are going to Jerusalem again to try and get the plate of brass. I have read this chapter many many times and it has never hit me as hard as it did last night. When we are in a situation where we have no idea what comes next or what is planned for the future. This is the chapter to read. Nephi didn't know how they were going to get the plates, but he trusted in the Lord and knew he would lead them to the way. The verse that stood out the most and that has comforted me today is verse 6. "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do" I have always struggled with Faith and Trusting the Lord. It always seems so much easier to do things by myself. With our infertility I have learned that the only way we will have our family is to trust in the Lord. That doesn't mean I am pro... obviously because I still struggle daily with it, but I am getting better.
Everything is chaotic in our house. I woke up this morning with a calm and peaceful feeling. I haven't stressed about what is to come. I KNOW that we will be blessed and whatever is going to happen will happen. This is a new feeling for me. Trust me... it kind of scares me, but I am trying my hardest. As things change and we learn what our future will hold I will update everyone. For now I am going to bed.