Things are changing dramatically in our house. I don't want to go into details. We are keeping it pretty private. Yesterday was a really rough day. You know those days when you just want to crawl into bed and hope that everyone forgets you are there. It was the lowest I have felt in a long long long time. We have almost been married 10 years and to say we have had our fair share of trials would be absolutely true. You all know our #1 trial... infertility, and amazingly our trials right now don't have to do with that. Well it is always there. There is always the longing for another baby, but we have more important things to take care of at the moment.
So after I had my breakdown and scrapped myself off the floor we picked up our scriptures and turned to 1 Nephi 4 where Nephi and his brothers are going to Jerusalem again to try and get the plate of brass. I have read this chapter many many times and it has never hit me as hard as it did last night. When we are in a situation where we have no idea what comes next or what is planned for the future. This is the chapter to read. Nephi didn't know how they were going to get the plates, but he trusted in the Lord and knew he would lead them to the way. The verse that stood out the most and that has comforted me today is verse 6. "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do" I have always struggled with Faith and Trusting the Lord. It always seems so much easier to do things by myself. With our infertility I have learned that the only way we will have our family is to trust in the Lord. That doesn't mean I am pro... obviously because I still struggle daily with it, but I am getting better.
Everything is chaotic in our house. I woke up this morning with a calm and peaceful feeling. I haven't stressed about what is to come. I KNOW that we will be blessed and whatever is going to happen will happen. This is a new feeling for me. Trust me... it kind of scares me, but I am trying my hardest. As things change and we learn what our future will hold I will update everyone. For now I am going to bed.
5 months ago