What really matters.

This past week was rough. I am now at a spot in life where I really have to sit and decide what is most important. After some sad news I was angry, upset, and just plain sad. I said a few things that shouldn't have been said and I murmured. I am far from perfect and this week has proved that. The one thing that kept me grounded is the love of the Lord. It never ceases to amaze me that in the middle of a heartbreak or trial, when all hope seems to be gone, HE is right there. No matter what! Even though I know this, it is so easy to forget. The morning after the news I opened up my email to find this video from Hilary Weeks.

It was exactly what I needed to hear and I felt so much LOVE while listening that everything just seemed to go away. Jon and I have done a lot of talking and things will be changing in our family.

What really matters is that we are happy. That JT is happy. As of right now there has been way too much stress and we need a break from it all. I am looking forward to the new year, but I am also looking forward to spending the next 2 months with my boys.

No distractions! No worries! No stress!

Love

I am so blessed to be JT's mom!!

Grief

Grief is a funny thing. Just when you think you are doing ok, it sneaks up and encompasses you. I have sat down to write this post a million times, but my words are failing me. So instead of writing a novel of stuff that doesn't make any sense... here is a quote that has stayed in my head since the baby passed away.

"Sometimes God pushes us to our limits. It's because He has greater faith in us than we have in ourselves."

I have been so fortunate to have such amazing family and friends during the hard times in my life. You all know who you are! I can not thank you enough. One of these days we will understand why we have to go through trials and pain. Until then, hold on tight, it's a bumpy ride!

Can you believe it?!?!

My baby started preschool!

Is he really old enough?
He is spelling colors.
Writing numbers.
Matching shapes with objects.

JT actually stood still while the flag went by!
We survived the "candy" parade at Peach Days

Jon and I turned one year older!
We enjoyed spending Labor day on Kolob!

JT has the most fun when we visit Uncle Kyle!

We were in attendance at a pretty "ugly" BYU game!

JT wasn't quite sure of the horse at Grandma & Grandpa's house at first.

He soon became "best friends" with it!

I can't believe I haven't shared all of the fun we have had the
past few months. I am now pretty much caught up!

So in Love...

My life has changed so much in the last few weeks.

I went from stressed out to sad to feeling so peaceful.

Today I laid down with this precious little boy.

He fell asleep on my chest.

At that moment the only thing that went through my mind was if he was the only child I ever had on this earth... it would be ok!

He is definitely a 4 year old.

A stinkin cute one at that.

He knows just what buttons to push to make me frustrated.

But he also knows exactly what to do to make me smile.

His hugs and kisses brighten my day.

His smile lights up any room that he enters

He is a miracle and He is my son!

I am so in Love with him... more and more everyday!

Want to help? You know you do! ;0)

Ok... so I know that I have asked everyone to do this before, but I just have to ask again. See the cute button for our adoption website over to your right? If you have a blog I would LOVE if you would add it to it. I feel very passionate about getting the word out about us. The more people who know... the more eyes and ears that are open. If you know of anyone that is thinking about placing a baby for adoption all it takes is sharing our information. You never know how our birthmother will find us. It could be through YOU!

If you are on facebook you can share the link for our adoption website. It is so simple... copy and paste www.waitingforanothermiracle.blogspot.com into the link place and click attach. Simple as that! Just think of how far our information can be spread if everyone shared that on FB.

I didn't think I would be able to jump into the waiting game so quickly, but this cute little face needs to be a BIG brother! He tells us everyday that his little sister is in heaven with our dog Niko. He is going to be just a sweet brother!

Let me know that you added our button so I can personally thank you! :0)
Until then... THANK YOU!!!!!

Moving On, Moving Forward

Throughout my life I have been so impatient. Blamed the Lord for making me wait. The first seven years of our marriage was a hard hard time. Not knowing what was going to happen or when we would be able to have a baby. JT came around and my life was filled. Then came the time to wait again. 10 months went by without anything. Suddenly when the time was right we met "T" We were so excited to add a little girl to our family. After months of dealing with early labor, stressful nights, and emotional breakdowns... it all ended so suddenly. We had her room decorated, closet filled, and JT was so ready to be a big brother. When I first heard the news I fell to my knees. The wind was knocked out of me. I didn't think I would make it to the following day, but I stood up. I kept walking. I have to say that I am very proud of myself! I made it through that day plus every day for the next week.

Today marks one week from the time we found out. In that time I haven't questioned the Lord. I have stayed positive and also have really tried to lean on him to understand why these things happen. There are still tears, but I am a new person. I didn't fall and just give up. I remained strong with a Faith that never waivered.

I have the most amazing family and friends. Honestly... I feel so incredibly blessed right now. My husband is my rock. JT is such a sweet boy. My parents and siblings stuck right by my side through this whole trial. Along with all of my other friends and family. I felt every prayer that was offered in our behalf. I KNOW that is what has helped through it all.

Now as we start to wait again... I feel those feelings of doubt try to creep in. I keep pushing them away because I KNOW that the Lord's hand is involved in the adoption process. Our birth mother is somewhere out there. Hopefully she is searching for us.

I TRUST the Lord. I know he has our best interest at heart.