Let's talk about..... Money!

This is going to me venting. I am frustrated and just need to get it out. So if you aren't in the mood to read me griping... than go ahead and show yourself off the page. :) It seems like all I hear about adoption now a days is the time and money that it takes. Which is very very very true. You don't know how much I have wanted to be pregnant. For those of you who think adopting is 100% easier than being pregnant... THINK AGAIN!!! I will take morning sickness. I will take 9 months of feeling fat. I will sacrifice my body to help create a child. I waited 7 LONG years to become a mother. Being a mom was the only thing I ever wanted to do. Throughout those 7 years I told Heavenly Father I would give up everything I had to be able to experience having a baby. I have heard the many stories and know friends that adopted and than got pregnant. Believe me it would be so much easier and I wouldn't have to worry about being that perfect family so someone will choose us. We aren't perfect and I am not going to act like we are perfect. Making sure you have included enough pictures that show you as a happy family. Writing your birthmother letter and worrying that you aren't saying enough or are saying too much. Making sure that your family and friends know you want to adopt. I hate selling myself. I don't think it is fair. Jon says he is sure that we signed up for this in heaven before we came. I am sure we did, but maybe I wasn't quite sure what it was going to entail ;)

My second pet peeve about adoption is the money. It just really gets to me when I see these adoption situations out there in the range of 30k - 40k. Are you kidding me? There are some of us families that don't have that kind of money just sitting around. To me it is getting to be more of a baby selling market which makes me so sad. There is an agency that I know of that charges more for a "white" baby than an AA baby. Which seriously pisses me off. Talk about taking advantage of us Adoptive Parents. It isn't like we don't already have enough stress and heartache on our plates... how about we just pile on another problem... You don't have the money... you don't get a baby. I am grateful for LDSFS and I know that if you are patient than things will happen. It is that patient part... I have posted about it before. It isn't my strongest point.


All I want is for JT to have a sibling to play with. It makes me sad when he is talking to his imaginary cousins (who live in Colorado). I am worried that we will wait so long that I just won't be able to wait anymore and just give up. That isn't fair to Jon or JT, but how long can a person wait? Is it too much to ask to just get a break every now and then? We are a happy family. We love each other. We adore JT and just want another child to adore! I will go as far as I can in this adoption process. Believe me I am sure many of you are tired of seeing our profile on facebook. There is someone out there for our family. I am excited to find our birthfamily. Please help me to be more patient and forget about the pain and heartache as we go through this process. And please be patient with me while I am a crazy person as I "advertise" for our little family.

"Forget yourself and get to work."

I was to teach in Relief Society at church today. This was my very first time. Luckily I taught on Charity which is pretty easy. I am so grateful for the opportunity and all of the growing that I did while preparing. I pretty much learned that I need to forget myself and get to work serving others. This quote from Pres. Hinckley actually popped into my head when I was having my rough day last week. From now on I am going to try to focus on others instead of focusing on my problems. We will see how well I do :)

In other news, look at these cute kids!

We hung out at my parents after church today and since it was so beautiful outside we played basketball and had so much fun. JT and Bailey rode the four-wheeler forever. She has a perma-grin on her face. I am so glad they play well together. It is definitely preparing him on how to act as an older brother.

Today, I am tired...

Tired of working.
Tired of not being with my little man all day.
Tired of school.
But mostly... tired of waiting!

Today is my down day.
I don't have them as often as I used to.
For those of you who think I have a great attitude... Thank you.
This just goes to show I am not perfect.

I am grateful that the Lord let's us have bad days once in awhile.
On bad days my arms feel empty and ache.
My brain won't shut off.
I think all day about our next baby.
Where is our birth mother?
How is she doing?
Will we hear anything soon?
When will we be chosen?

These days bring me to my knees.
Please help me get through this day.
Pleading to take it all away.

So today... I cry, but tomorrow I will be back to me... hopefully! ;0)

Open Adoption

This has been on my mind a lot lately. When we first decided to adopt we honestly didn't really know what we were doing. We didn't do research... we just jumped and hoped that it would all take care of itself. We were so lucky that the agency we were with pretty much took care of everything and it all worked out. We were naive when it came to contact after placement. His birth mother didn't want any contact so we went with that. And honestly that is really what we wanted and felt comfortable with. We actually ended up sending pictures and letters for a year, but she never got them due to a situation that came up. In the year that we have been with LDSFS and waiting to adopt again we have learned so much about open adoption and what a blessing it can be.

Jon and I have talked about finding JT's birthmother for the past few months. I have times where I wish I could just call her to let her know that JT is doing well. I wonder if she thinks about us often and pray that she is doing well. He has older siblings and a younger sibling. To me it is so important that he has a chance to know them. We still don't know when we will contact her, but probably in the next few years we will try to find her.

Now comes the exciting part. We are so excited and look forward to having a relationship with our next birthmother. Not only through pictures and letters, but we hope we will be able to have visits. We have talked to and seen other families have relationships with their birthmoms and it is such a blessing in everyone's life. For me to have an open adoption is not only to add another child to our family, but add a whole other family! (birthmom, birthdad, and their families) The sweetest thing to hear is JT praying every night before bed to bless our birthmother that she can find us and that she will be ok. I am so thankful to have learned about open adoption and the miracle that it can be in our lives.

What Faith Can Do...

I am a wife. I am a mother that longs to have more children. I am weak. I am human. I can't always pretend that everything in my life is perfect. I have always questioned the Lord about our infertility. I never really understood the reason behind it. I can't even count how many blessings I have had that have said, "In the Lord's Time." Don't you think after being told that over and over I would finally get it? Well I now do! At times my patience has been worn so thin that I didn't think I would make it. My faith has been shaken. Remember my post a few weeks ago about Peace? Well that peace continues to be my constant companion and as I work towards my goal of having enough patience that "In the Lord's Time" is enough; my faith has been growing exponentially. I can't even begin to describe what the past month has been like. Yeah I have broke down a few times, but every time I fall I stay on my knees and talk to my Heavenly Father. He is the ONE that knows exactly what I am going through. He is the one that is allowing me to learn more Patience. He is the one that is helping my Faith become stronger. I finally get it and I am so thankful that I have this chance to grow not only as a wife and mother, but also as a Daughter of God.

How many times can you say that you are thankful for your trials? I know the first 11 years of our marriage I definitely wasn't thankful for mine. I seriously couldn't understand why I had to go through what I did, but now... I wouldn't take any of it back. I have the most amazing son. He is a handful and he definitely tries my patience most days, but it is the hugs and kisses and sweet "I love you's" that reminds me just how precious being a mother can be. As I drove to work this morning I changed the radio station came to a Christian music station. I have never listened to this station in my life, but the song that was beginning to play sounded cool so I listened. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Because of my faith I am a better wife. I am a grateful mother who will have more children. I am a little less weak. I am still a human. I know I can't always pretend that everything in my life is perfect, but I will take my trials and grow from them.

My naughty little man!

This kid is on a kick of naughty behavior. Our blog is soon going to be about the daily trouble he gets into. He went into the kitchen to get some water and then he was very very quiet. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was feeding "fredabeta" (Our beta's name is Fred) I knew as soon as he said that it was going to be a mess. He tried to feed Fred once before and got in trouble so I didn't think he would attempt it again. Boy was I wrong. This time he found the flake food. Ahhhhhh - so I sent him to his room and yelled to Jon who came down to help. I hate cleaning the fish bowl... Jon is pro. :) When Jon asked JT why he was in his room he said, "I'm just playing with my army men. I didn't get in trouble." Oh this kid knows just what to say. So we had a little talk about lying and also why he doesn't feed the fish unless he has help. Poor Fred was not a happy fish for awhile.

Before: Notice the cloudy water and red flake food all over the bottom?

After: Still not a happy fish... I think he goes into shock for awhile when we clean his bowl.

By the way... I am totally on a blogging streak! 3 posts in 2 days...
That is pretty darn good if I have to say so myself!!
It helps to have a busy child that loves to get into trouble! :)

Grape juice anyone?

Daddy left a pitcher of grape juice on the counter the other day. JT decided that the dogs would enjoy some of that tasty beverage! He plays so well with the dogs when they are inside for the night that I usually don't have to worry about him doing anything naughty. I even went into the kitchen a few times and didn't notice the purple liquid smeared across the floor. Shockingly enough... the dogs didn't care for the juice at all! Notice he even gave them their own cup. :/

Look at this cute little face!!!

He is so ready to be a BIG BROTHER!!!!!

Please keep your eyes and ears open and spread the word about our little family.

We also have pass-a-long cards now so if you me to mail you some, I would love to!

You never know when you might come across someone that knows of someone else that is thinking about adoption and if you had a pass-a-long card you could give it to them. :) (Send your address to my email and I will get cards in the mail! budge13@juno.com)

Thank you so all of our friends and family who continue to pray for our family. This has been a crazy ride, but with the Lord on our side anything is possible!

Just a little crazy!

So... do you see anything wrong with this picture?

Yeah... I kind of wore 2 different shoes to work yesterday and didn't notice until I went to put them on again to go to Walmart last night. I am just going a little crazy! :)

Fun Weekends

We have had a few crazy weekends. I didn't take pictures of the first one which is sad because Jon's sister lives with his parents and the kids played so well together. Plus we have a new nephew who is soooo adorable.

Last weekend we spent Saturday in Vegas with Ramsey and Shaunie shopping and walking around. I took the camera, but only took one picture with my phone. I need to get better with pictures.

We had so much fun. Bass Pro Shops, Factory Outlets, Planet Hollywood, H&M, and PF Changs. Seriously what could be better. A day with people we love without the kidlets. :)

Look at this gummy bear!
We picked it up at the Sugar Factory in Vegas. JT loves it!

We were supposed to head up north on Sunday for the Jazz vs celtics game, but the weather was bad so we waited until Monday morning. It turned out to be a long day. We left at about 10 and got home at 3 AM!!! We had so much fun. JT had a blast, but we won't be taking him to another game for a few years. That is just too much time for a little one to stay still.

This kid just melts my heart!

Such a cheeser!

Daddy only got 1/2 of the statue!

Momma cut off Stockton's head. :)

JT's favorite part of the game... the blimp.

My amazing boys.

We took pictures with Jon's phone... I really should have just brought the camera so I could zoom. :(

Raja Bell!!!